I was surprised to feel self doubt as I pedaled the last miles of the long road walk. The next section of trail consisted of about 190 miles of hiking before I hit the next town. This would take me close to two weeks of hiking. Luckily, a trail angel named Ellen agreed to hold a package for me. She is going to drive an hour from her house to bring it to me when the Trail crosses one of the few and far between roads. Normally, hiking with a weeks worth of food would feel comfortable for me, but now I was questioning whether I could do it.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, riding the bike gave me a joyful sense of movement with much less pain. Even when I had been home, normal walking was painful, which was one reason I decided I might as well hike. I’d rather be hiking in pain than sitting home alone in pain. But carrying the weight of the pack, and the need to carry a lot of water and hike long days because of the scarcity of campsites, coupled with extreme heat, which burns the grafted skin through my boot, has made this hike harder than I hoped. Seven days worth of food adds anywhere from 11 to 14 pounds to my pack. And unfortunately, because of where the Trail is, unless I want to carry even more weight in food, I have to continue to average close to 15 miles a day for the full two weeks. I was feeling unsettled about it.

Then Jan and Jim met me to bring my pack to me and pick up the bike they had lent me. They came with a picnic lunch and a lot of water and goodwill. Jim insisted on carrying my pack to the campsite and Jan carried a gallon of water in for me. In addition, she remembered I had said I have been craving popcorn so she brought me a big bag of popcorn, which I’ve been trying not to devour all at once. I want to find the balance between enjoying it now and saving some for later.

By the time they left me at my campsite, I was once again feeling all I had to do was take one day at a time, one step at a time, remembering to pay attention and not get boiled alive. It’s a given that I will have pain, but if it gets too much, I’ll find a way out. Jan made sure to remind me they’re just a bit over an hour drive away if I need help. I’m also sure that if I’m in too much pain when I meet Ellen, I could get her to pull me out out of the woods. In the meantime, I was relieved to feel inspired to at least begin this next section, which I’ve been looking forward to all through North Dakota. It’s no longer just completely flat, and rather than prairie, I’m now walking in forest that reminds me a bit of the forest back in Vermont with thousands of lakes replacing Vermont’s mountain views. Having shade, and water I can filter and drink are real blessings.

As we were walking into the campsite, I thought about how gracious and kind Jan has been even though she is president of the North Country Trail Association. As she and Jim carried my gear into the campsite, I couldn’t help thinking that all presidents should have the same commitment to service of others. How much better off we’d be if all leaders had the humility to help others instead of tearing them apart. I believe a sense of inner security is what allows people to be more humble. I wondered if we need to work harder to raise our children to be secure, while also teaching them true service and humility, as opposed to teaching them that there’s one right way and one wrong way, which can lead them to be more close minded as adults

As I’m searching for unique ways to complete this trail, I’m having to examine my own ego. I’ve been asking myself, “am I doing this to feel important? Can I let go of the whole notion of doing all these trails even though I have less than one of the 11 national scenic trails left to hike ?” I’m working to find the balance between my desire to do this trail with the level of physical pain in my foot causing me to want to do something else. When thru hiking, it’s easy to get into the mindset of pushing to make miles, especially when hiking alone on an exceptionally long trail like the North Country Trail, but I’m determined to work on finding a balance between miles and bodily comfort.

I also thought about balance as I pedaled through a number of small towns in this last section of the trail. I went through one town that boosted the largest prairie chicken. Another town had the largest loon while the third town advertises the largest turkey in the world. I wondered how we got into feeling bigger, more and faster is better. I understand the concept of competition, but I think it often comes at a cost, especially when it seems some people are never satisfied with how much money they have and want more regardless of the the expense to others. I wondered why any of us ever believed in the trickle-down theory of economics, thinking if we gave tax cuts to the rich, it would trickle down to the poor. In my mind, it makes more sense to give the breaks directly to the lower income people, rather than making them wait for something to trickle down to them.

When my son was young, I didn’t want him to feel he had to be first at everything, so whenever we were doing things, I always said, “I want to be second.” When he was in a playgroup, the teachers were amazed that whenever they lined up, my son never vied for first. They told me the other kids all had to take turns at being first, but my son was always second.

I’ll probably have to skip the boundary waters section of trail in Minnesota, which I’ll come to in about two weeks. There are currently many uncontained fires happening there and the entire area has been closed. Some of the thick smoke blanketing the country has been coming from there and not from Canada.

I may also choose to skip the Superior Trail section as well. That’s a beautiful trail and I don’t want to do it when it’s shrouded in smoke. I don’t know what the smoke situation will be in Wisconsin or upper Michigan either. For now I’m staying in the present finding the balance between planning for the future while living in the present.

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