People keep asking me what my next adventure will be. While I understand what they’re asking, I’m trying to take on the mindset that everything in life is an adventure. It is easy for me to fall into a funk when a long planned and executed event is over. While there are many reasons for this funk, the one I am focusing on here is the belief the big hike or event is somehow special and more exciting, and the return to daily living is mundane. In order to live a more balanced life I am trying to view ALL of what I do as part of the much larger adventure called “life,” knowing if I am open to all experiences, there is always something I can learn.

Whether I am hiking a national scenic trail, paddling a river, skiing a long trail, or riding my bike, my priorities are hydration, food and shelter. Then it is a matter of disciplining myself to put one foot in front of the other to make forward progress. These needs are the same when I am home where meeting them is much easier. Yet often I do not drink as much liquid as I should, and since I live alone, it is easy to be unmotivated to cook good meals. To help myself eat better, after breakfast but before I am super hungry at days end, I try to prepare food for easy eating later on. Then the challenge is to get myself to do the things I told myself I wanted to do the day before.

Forward progress is easier for me when on an adventure, in part because there are fewer distractions. But also, on a hiking, skiing, river or bike trip, if I do not go forward as I planned, I could be stuck between towns without food. Enough days of slacking off could leave me unable to finish the trip and fail at my goal due to bad weather moving in.

At home the consequences are not as dire and the drive to complete the tasks is less. I have plenty of food in my house so it doesn’t seem to matter if I delay forward motion. Putting off cleaning my house, stretching or writing for a day (or two or three) doesn’t have immediate noticeable consequences. Yet I’m getting better at reminding myself if I put off accomplishing anything, especially at my age, it might never get done.

Just as I do when difficulties arise on trail, I ask myself “are you serious at wanting to accomplish this?” If I answer “yes,” then I tell myself to get to it. If in the moment, I no longer care and cannot push myself to do it, I try to see if self nurturing is needed. And if I decide to back away from an activity, I try to make that a conscious choice, accepting that the hesitation to get to it might mean it will never get done.

To motivate myself through the home tasks that seem mundane, I remind myself of the many long, paved, boring road walks I have hiked and how much better I feel after they are completed. When adventuring, I get encouragement from trail angels and other travelers. Support is harder to get when I am living alone in a rural place. Unfortunately, this lack of support, especially while living in the house I built with my wasband (ex husband) awakens childhood memories, leaving me feeling alone and as if nothing I do matters.

I strive to remind myself that what I do DOES matter. I feel better when I see the floor of my house without papers strewn across it. My mental well being and body are enhanced when I get daily exercise. I am happier when I spend time writing rather than playing computer games. But doing these things “just for me” is still difficult. Some days I am better at it than others.

I grew up pushing myself to DO things, hoping to feel valued based on my successes. I have been working to separate my self worth from my accomplishments, accepting myself as both a competent and flawed human being. I know beating myself up over not doing enough is not good for me, so I try to accept how each day goes, knowing I can start anew in the morrow. Through this acceptance, I have recognized that inner processing and healing often happens on these seemingly down days. I liken this to taking a nero or zero (low or no mileage day) on trail, which despite the lack of forward progress, gives my body a chance to rejuvenate and do better on the following days.

Yet, just as I can’t take too many nearo or zero days, I am aware at home I must be careful in my acceptance. I don’t want to stagnate, so despite accepting where I am in the moment, I strive to work harder to achieve the changes I want to see in my day to day life. I do want to keep my body in good physical shape. I am much happier writing than playing computer games. I do want to get my book, Meeting Mary Badass published and I want to finish the other books I am working on.

Getting started on a task is sometimes the biggest hurdle for me. So I am trying to approach these tasks the way I approach a difficult day of hiking. A long hike becomes manageable when I break it into 15 miles days. Each day becomes doable when I further break it into fifteen single miles, and those miles into single steps. Now, at home, I am working to keep motivated by telling myself I only have to spend 15 minutes a day exercising and 15 more writing. I know once I get started I will spend much more than 15 minutes in each activity. Once immersed in an activity, I try to find balance. Rather than spending 15 hours working on my book, I try to push myself out for a walk.

One tool I use to help me stay out of the hole, feeling nothing I do matters to anyone, is to stay connected to friends. I also try to find at least one thing each day to be grateful for. And I give myself kudos for the tasks I do accomplish, sometimes rewarding myself with a tasty treat or a brief stretch of time on the computer. I forgive myself when I don’t meet my goals, and I work to motivate myself to do better in the future.

So far I have managed to take apart much of my fallen down barn. I did this in part by asking friends to join me so I did not feel quite so overwhelmed and alone. I was thrilled to discover that once I got started, I was reminded how much I enjoy construction (and even deconstruction) projects. I have the old barn pretty well dismantled and am ready to start focusing on rebuilding something to protect my tractor.

I have spent at least one day per week with my elderly friends, one of whom is 100 years old. I cook for them and have helped with computer issues. Because they live 36 miles away I use it as an opportunity to go on long bike rides, going down one day and coming back the next.

I have managed a few small hikes and dealt with months of mail, bill paying and catching up with friends. I have also polished Meeting Mary Badass and am in the process of getting it published. At long last, I have started my second book, Becoming Mary Badass, in a way that feels right for me. And I keep gathering material for the third book in my Mary Badass trilogy, Living as Mary Badass.

I am scheduled to do a few talks at local libraries and am taking care of medical and dental care. I hope to soon return to weaving. In early June I will begin planing the details for my next lengthy outdoor adventures. By early July I hope to be finishing up the western 600 miles of the the Pacific Northwest Trail.

I want to follow this up with a trip to Alaska. Alaska is one of only two of the United States I have not been to. Since I will be in northwestern Washington when I finish the PNT, I am hoping to be able to hop on a ferry and spend a few weeks hiking in Alaska before heading back to Vermont.

As always, thanks for reading my blogs. I have some semi finished ones I will polish and post between now and when I head out for the PNT. And I will keep you posted as my adventures continue to unfold.

#thruhike #thruhiker #thruhiking #nationalscenictrails #nationalscenictrail #floridatrail #appalachiantrail #pct #pacificcresttrail #did #ptsd #healingtrauma #kindness #PNT #pacificnorthwesttrail #vermont251club #connecticutriverpaddlerstrail #catamounttrail #posthikedepression