I talked last time about identity and crutches, mentioning I didn’t want to identify with my crutches as a way to feel more unique or important. On one of my first days hiking without the crutches, it seemed the universe was going to help me make the transition. As I was walking down the trail with Steve Brindle, finishing up the miles I have missed down south, Jupiter and Sprocket, who I first met north in Camp Blanding, came towards me on the trail. The first thing out of Jupiter’s mouth was “Congratulations. No more crutches.” I took that in, recognizing he was noticing me for getting OFF the crutches. I had a good internal laugh.

At the end of that day of hiking, I had completed the southern 600+ miles of the Florida Trail. I also reached 20,000 miles of lifetime backpacking. Steve Brindle, who had been such a big part of helping me do the past miles on crutches, and I celebrated over a lunch of burritos before saying our final goodbyes. I doubted I’d see him again on this trail as I was now driving quite a ways north towards White Springs, where I had gotten off the trail a week ago in order to fill in my missing Florida Trail miles in the south.

I had a resupply package waiting for me at the White Springs B&B, so I stayed with Judith and her family of borders. My shuttling plans had fallen through when one shuttler had to back out. I needed time to figure out a new plan and my body was ready for a rest. As I zeroed at Judith’s I tried to think outside of the obvious for getting the shuttles I needed. I came up with the idea of asking Daniel, a hiker who lives part of the year with Judith, if he would shuttle me. Daniel doesn’t have a car so I asked if he would drive my car to drop me off in the morning and to pick me up in the evening. I was thrilled when he said yes.

I hiked one day out of White Springs through an area that has been devastated by the winds of a hurricane. Thankfully, the trail crew had done a lot of work clearing the trail, but at times I still had trouble finding where to walk. It got me thinking about the power of an unseen wind and the challenge of seeing things that are not so obvious.

I thought about this again the following day as I walked along a seven mile road walk. I realized that now I’m walking with my regular hiking boots and poles, I don’t look like I need help. Yet my body is NOT ready to carry a full backpack, so I still need help with shuttles.

I reflected on the many unseen disabilities people live with. I thought how little I know about someone when I first meet them. I’ve learned by talking less about myself and asking a few key questions I can get a glimpse into people’s backgrounds. I’m always humbled and honored by what people share with me. Learning about less obvious experiences of people and feeling a shared camaraderie in the difficulties of life has been a valuable part of my healing journey, both from childhood abuse and from the cruel way my ex-husband ended the marriage.

It turned out to be an appropriate day for thinking about the unseen. I was walking through a fascinating geological area with many sinkholes in the limestone under my feet. It was not unusual to see a big wide river disappear, only to re-emerge a number of feet down the trail. I had to pay attention to holes along the trail and marveled at the thought that under my feet an unseen river was flowing. I thought of the importance of protecting all water, seen and unseen, as well as soil and rock because it’s all connected in some way.

I also saw a number of trees whose roots were exposed. I thought about the fact that trees have as much or more vegetative matter underground as they do above ground. As I contemplated the fact that unseen root systems are responsible for trees’ ability to grow and withstand storms, I pondered how past experieces have shaped my life even if they’re not still happening and visible in the present. The key to whether I grow and flourish or wither and die is how I deal with the traumas of the past. If I remain rigid and refuse to change, I’ll topple like a tree in the wind. On the other hand, if I work to grow new root systems and lean into what feels like gale force winds in my life, I become stronger and can piece together a life worth living.

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