450 miles of hiking with crutches means there’s bound to be more than one blog written about them! So bear with me as I expound on more of my thoughts on crutches.

I believe all the crutches I’ve used in my life have helped me in someway. But using them came with a price. Some crutches became things I relied on to avoid dealing with more difficult feelings. They eventually threw my whole life off balance, just as using an orthopedic boot and crutches on the Florida Trail threatened to throw out the alignment of my back and hip. There came a time with many of the crutches I’ve used, such as walls to hide behind, when using them was no longer to my advantage. Sometimes I recognized this quickly. Other times it was a more lengthy, painful process to rid myself of crutches which were no longer useful.

On the Florida Trail, I hiked for about 350 miles on crutches with my orthopedic boot. I tried to stay in that boot for a full four weeks, which was what the Florida doctor suggested. I was eager to get out of it as it made my gait irregular, was a lot of weight to carry around on my foot, especially when it got wet wading through swamps, and it kept my foot hot enough to feel like it was baking on some days. But I recognized the value of keeping my foot fairly immobile and tried to proceed with caution.

I was thrilled when at the time I was seriously contemplating no longer using the orthopedic boot, Trail Angel Carrie Prewitt hooked me up with her brother who fits people with braces for a living. At his suggestion, I put carbon fiber insoles into my hiking boots to stiffen them. While not as stiff as the orthopedic boot, the additional stiffness in the hiking boot gave me the confidence I needed to make the switch. I was thrilled I would finally be walking with two shoes that were the same height. I saw this as step one to easing off the crutches and getting back to hiking in my normal manner.

It was definitely easier crutching in my hiking boot then with the orthopedic one, though I had to be more careful. But I was getting pretty proficient with the crutches and so one day I took on the challenge of doing over 22 miles of a paved road walk that I had missed when I jumped north. I was able to go a steady 2 1/2 miles an hour, sometimes reaching 3 miles an hour. Even though it was hot and at times unpleasant to be walking on a busy road, I felt strong. But crutching over 20 miles was a challenge for this old body. I was certainly glad when I reached the end of that road walk. I gratefully accepted a chair to take a break in offered to me by a young man selling produce on the side of the road. I humbly accepted the ears of corn, strawberries, alligator jerky, and oranges he insisted on giving me.

After loading up my pack, I finished the last miles of the road walk and headed back to the Fort Christmas Baptist Church, which had been my homebase for a few nights. The generous people at this church open their hall to hikers, allowing us to stay, use a shower put in just for hikers, and use their kitchen. They even provide some frozen pizzas and sodas for those staying there. Their generosity was very similar to that of the Big Cypress New Testament Baptist Church which I stayed at around mile 48 on the Florida Trail.

The next day I felt a twinge in either my back or hip. Unfortunately that twinge didn’t improve, even with a few shorter days of crutching. So now I’ve reached the point where using the crutches has perhaps become more painful than letting them go. I find it interesting that it comes at a time when this picture recently arrived in a text from my neighbor. This photo depicts my pole barn, showing that the snow back home has collapsed it, burying my tractor and a bunch of other gear.

My first reaction was to feel overwhelmed. At one point I felt myself wondering why so many seemingly negative things happen to me. But quickly I recognized those thoughts as a useless crutch. I did not need to grasp onto being a victim or having nothing go my way. Instead, I recognized that while it was a bummer, there were a lot of people doing many wonderful things for me to help me continue to hike the Florida Trail with a broken foot. I also avoided going down the rabbit hole of blaming myself by recognizing that even if I had been home I probably would not have shoveled the snow off that particular roof. In addition, I chose not to become angry or bitter towards my ex who constructed that building without listening to any of my input. I accepted it for what it was, thanked my neighbor for letting me know, had a brief exchange with him over what could be done in the meantime and put it aside to deal with when I get home.

I wonder if accepting my broken foot on the Florida Trail and finding ways to keep going has given me some of the strength it took to not grab onto old patterns and become depressed about the pole barn. Instead, I am recognizing what I do have, focusing on dealing with life in the moment, continuing to practice gratitude, and moving on. I’ve let go of any remaining victim crutch. I know that shit happens but if I wait long enough, the shit will change to useful compost providing growth in my life.

I expect my feelings will vacillate when I arrive home and deal with the mess, but I’m proud of myself for being able to let it go and stay in the moment. I’m determined not to become anxious about the cost of cleaning up the mess and getting my tractor usable again. I figure if I can hike the Florida Trail with a broken foot on crutches, I can do just about anything that comes my way one small step at a time. Perhaps that will be the biggest blessing of breaking my foot on this trail.

#thru hike #thruhiker #thruhiking #nationalscenictrails #nationalscenictrail #floridatrail #did #ptsd #healingtrauma #kindness