People have told me I bring good things into my life by the way I live or think. I’m not sure I believe this, in part because if that’s true then wouldn’t it also be my thoughts that are responsible for breaking my foot and for other seemingly negative things that happen to me?

I believe that life happens. Nature goes on, no matter what. Trees grow. Fires and hurricanes happen, appearing to destroy the forest, but ultimately new growth takes place. Sometimes, after many years, a new more robust forest will take the place of the old one. Other times, if all of the soil is destroyed as well, a new forest never regrows. I know a few New England mountain tops on which the forests never returned after a large fire. For better or worse, the rocky summits of these mountains are now wide open with spectacular views. While humans, who are a part of nature, have caused great harm to many creatures on earth, nature is still more powerful and finds a way to persevere in pleasant and unpleasant ways, regardless of what I think. 

While I don’t feel my thoughts create my reality, I do recognize how my thoughts shape how I experience my life. When I think people are going to treat me badly, that’s what I project out and see. When I choose to believe in the kindness of people, my defenses are down and I’m ready to receive the kindness that is given to me.

When I discovered my foot was broken about 150 miles into the Florida Trail, I could feel myself wavering on the edge of depression. I allowed myself a few days to sit and transition from hiking to recovery mode. I could have gone with the belief that a horrible, unfair thing had happened to me. But from experience, I knew this would just cause more grief. Instead, I reached out to friends and worked to lean into the experience. I cultivated curiosity to see what would come my way because of the broken foot. This helped me stay out of the depressive hole and empowered me to find ways to keep moving towards my goal of hiking. The entire Florida trail.

My hike would definitely have been different had I not broken my foot, but rather than moaning what I’ve lost, I’ve worked on recognizing what I’ve gained. For starters I spent an extra week with the Casteel family getting to know the unique people who live there on a much deeper level. I’ve also been blessed to experience the incredible extent of generosity of people like Steve Brindle, Karen Yannick, and her husband Dave, who are Florida Trail Angels.

Steve became my Trail manager for daily planning. After helping me choose new hiking boots, he offered great ideas for sections of trail I could do on crutches. He suggested I start with a paved 25 mile section of trail that is a lovely shaded bike path. We divide the 25 miles into two days. Steve hiked with me the first day to make sure I was going be OK. Then he helped me find a place I could park where I could sleep in my car. The following morning he met me again and we both drove our cars about 15 miles up the trail to where I would stop for the day. After I parked my car at the days end spot, Steve shuttled me back to where I had stopped the day before. This allowed me to hike back to my car without carrying a full backpack. Steve continued to do this for almost a week.

When I started to get out of his driving range, he connected me with Karen Yannick. Karen is a gutsy woman who loves to do off-road jeeping. She runs a company dedicated to LGBQT friendly off-road jeep tours. Each morning she drove me to where I had gotten off trail the evening before. In the evenings, she picked me up and drove me back to her house. There, her husband Dave prepared a wonderful dinner, and refused to allow me to help with the dishes. What a gift it’s been to experience the lives of these people and the depth of such kindness, which I probably would not have known I not needed, ask for and been open to their help.

In addition to Trail Angels, I have met a number of hikers I probably would not have crossed paths with had I not broken my foot. Steve, Deb, Missing Person, the Iceman, father Tim, and others have all touched my life in someway.

Perhaps one of the most meaningful connections I made as a result of my broken foot happened on my second day of crutching. I was on a paved bike path just north of the big little Econ section of trail when I was stopped by a woman and her two beautiful dogs, Justice and Atticus. Lisa told me her husband, Anthony, had died this past August. As a way of overcoming her grief, she walks with her dogs every day on the bike path. She makes a point of stopping to photograph and talk with at least one person each day. On the day I walked through, because I happen to be in that place at that time, and because I stuck out as unusual since I was walking with crutches, I was the lucky recipient of Lisa’s story gathering.

She shared with me the the pain she feels from the loss of Anthony’s physical presence. I shared with her the loss I felt when my husband walked out on me without telling me he was leaving. We have since become friends, sharing on a daily basis stories about our day. I am inspired by Lisa‘s commitment to carry on Anthony’s memory while also fully living this new life that she’s been thrust into.

With the help and inspiration of all of these people, I’ve so far been able to hike about 140 miles of trail on crutches while wearing an orthopedic boot. As I said before I’m not convinced my thoughts create my reality, but i’m grateful to recognize that I’m getting better at accepting what I can’t change in my life, leaning into it and learning from it without letting it pull me into a painful dissociated place. by thinking this way I’ve been able to use my thoughts to help me appreciate being able to walk the Florida Trail on crutches.

#thruhike #thruhiker #thruhiking #FloridaTrail #NationalScenicTrail #NationalScenicTrails #PTSD #did #HealingTrauma