People are constantly telling me that what I am doing is dangerous. Personally, I think being born is dangerous. From the moment we’re born, we start to die. While I could get hurt or die on the trail, I am sure that being in a car is more dangerous than the hiking I do. On one of my drives to hike the Continental Divide Trail, I hit a deer and luckily escaped a serious accident. Just a few days ago, I saw a deer run out into the road and hit the car next to me causing me to have to swerve to keep from getting hit by that other car.

I think the reason so many people who will get into their car without thinking twice about the danger, believe hiking is dangerous is in part because we get habituated to things we’re familiar with. Most of us alive now in North America have grown up with cars and so are familiar with them. On the other hand, the wilderness has often been portrayed as a dark and dangerous place. Especially women and people of color have been told for years not to go out into the wilderness alone.

My dear friend Debbie and I were talking about fear the other day. She said that when she’s facing something that’s scary for her to do, she asks herself what the consequences would be if she didn’t do it. When she asks that question, she realizes that not stepping into the fearful, unknown thing is actually scarier than stepping into it. Staying stagnant and living an unhappy life is not something she’s willing to do.

I always remind myself that fear is a natural feeling. It’s there to remind me to be careful. But I also know that just because I’m afraid of something doesn’t mean bad things are going to happen. By separating the feeling from the outcome, I’m able to plunge into the unknown.

For the most part, the hiking I do falls into a category of what’s called class I or class II fun. Type I fun on the fun scale is considered fun while you’re doing it and is something you would gladly repeat. Type II fun is often scary or unpleasant in the moment but upon reflection there’s a satisfaction in the accomplishment. You realize that even though it was difficult, you would gladly do it again. I’m not sure why they include type III fun since it is defined as something you didn’t enjoy in the moment and you would never choose to do it again.

For me, living a life without any challenges is barely worth living. It reminds me of a saying a friend of mine in Vermont has which is “die living.” In other words staying in a protective bubble is hardly living. If I’m going to die, I’d rather do it knowing that I’ve done what I enjoy doing in life.

People on the trail sometimes ask me what my son thinks about me hiking alone in my 60s. I doubt they would ask a man that, but even so I went and asked my son so I would have an answer for them. My very practical son said, “If you want to do it, you should do it.” Then he added, “It’s a good thing you’re in your 60s and not in your 20s”

When I asked him why that was, he replied, “If something happens to you out there, at least you’ve lived a good life.” I find it amusing to see the reactions I get when I tell that to the people who ask me what my son thinks.

I believe that fear stems from a number of places, including fear of difference and fear of the emotions that will be stirred up. My son is 36 and has never had a haircut in his entire life. When he was young, he was often teased because he looked like a girl. He was able to dismiss the teasing, telling me that he knew that people teased him because they weren’t given a choice. I was so proud of him for being able to stand up to the teasing in a way that I never was able to do when I was a child. He allowed people to have their feelings and walked away without taking it personally.

I do believe the more we can understand the different ways each person thinks, the more we are able to put fear aside and embrace difference. I also know that the more I learned about the Pacific Northwest Trail, the less fearful I was about stepping out onto it. Yes, there will be places where I will have to be careful. There will be times that will try my endurance. But there will also be much beauty. I figure if other people can do it, I can too. It might take me longer than those who are half my age, but that just means I’ll get to enjoy it for a longer period of time!

I’m really glad that the life I was given as a child has helped form me into an adult who is willing to step into the fearful unknown. I encourage everyone to try one thing that they’re fearful of doing.

#PNT #pacificnorthwest trail #cdt #continentaldividetrail #thruhiking #nationalscenictrail #dissociation #healingfromtrauma #ptsd #did #azt #arizonatrail #lettinggooffear