That first night out of Flagstaff I was camped over 8700 feet in elevation. Besides being cold, it was incredibly windy! My entire tent was shaking. Because there are already small tears in the fabric, I didn’t know how it would hold up to those strong winds. So once again, I lowered my poles and wrapped the tent around me as if it was a bivy sack. It was kind of like sleeping in a plastic bag. While not the most comfortable, it allowed me to get some sleep without worrying about the tent. It reduced the flapping sound the tent made in the wind, and having the tent wrapped around me helped me stay a bit warmer. It really reminded me of the power of nature.

That was one of those nights when I sure was glad to see the morning light. I hoped the wind would decrease as the sun came up, but even if it didn’t, at least the sun would increase the temperature. I dreaded packing up in that intense wind with temperatures below freezing. I knew that things would blow away if I didn’t hold onto them.

As much as I didn’t want to get out of my sleeping bag, I wanted more to get out of that wind. Still it took some self-bribing to really set me in motion.

While buying food in Flagstaff I couldn’t resist buying two small pies, a pecan and a blueberry one. As I was struggling to get out of the tent and get going that morning, I told myself I would treat myself by having one of those pies for breakfast. When I couldn’t decide which one to have, I decided this day was worth two pies. I put both pies into the pocket of my jacket and told myself I could have them once I was walking.

I put the poles back up, managed to get into my wind/rainclothes and threw everything into the pack. All the time I was doing this, I kept reminding myself that I was a Vermonter and knew what real winter was like. I drew on my winter hiking skills and kept monitoring myself for hypothermia. Thankfully, my shivering, never got too bad. There were a few times when I stopped packing and put my hands in my crotch to warm them up.

After throwing my fully loaded pack out of the tent, I crawled out and carefully took the stakes out, holding tightly to the tent so it wouldn’t blow away. Rather than stuffing it into its stuff sack, I just threw the tent into the pack and headed out.

I wanted to move fast and I wanted to eat my pies but I couldn’t do either because there were snow patches that, as I had expected, were now frozen solid. I picked my way carefully over these patches, using my poles to keep from falling on the ice. Even the dirt patches were frozen solid.

The wind never did let up that day which made it hard to stop for even a short break. Eventually I ate my pies while walking, trying to savor every bite. The pecan one was much better than the blueberry one.

I did take time that day to look behind me. It gave me a different view of Humphreys Peak. The view ahead of me was becoming flat and not the most spectacular, but every time I turned around, I got that beautiful view of the mountain now in my rear view mirror. It got me thinking about the importance of sometimes looking back at where I’ve been. In this case, I felt good that I had been able to take care of myself when it really felt like it could have gone badly in that cold wind. I also thought about how far I’ve come in life in general, healing from my childhood abuse, reuniting with my dissociated parts, and overcoming the cruel way that my ex left me. While I don’t always want to live in the past, this did teach me the value of sometimes looking back at how far I have come.

By late afternoon, the constant wind and inability to take a good rest was taking its toll on me. I still had over half mile to walk and then I had to go about half mile off trail to get to the water. I noticed a cow path heading off in the direction where the water was, and decided to trust the cows. I got off the trail and followed the path. Here I encountered an unforeseen example of how strong the wind was. As I was walking along that cow path the grasshoppers flew to get out of my way. Normally, they would hop off to the side, but in this case, as soon as they jumped up the headwind I had been pushing against blew them into me with huge force. The ones that hit any bare skin, especially on my face really hurt. I felt as if I was under attack with hundreds of grasshoppers being blown into me.

What a relief it was to finally reach the water. I was happy to see it was running out of a pipe into a tank and I was able to get it before the cows had a chance to foul it.I was even more thrilled to find a tiny place out of the wind that was just big enough for my tent.

The icing on the cake on this two pie day was sharing dinner conversation with a lovely 35-year-old hiker whose trail name is Saguaro. He told me he quit his job in the tech industry in pursuit of happiness. He has discovered that happiness comes from staying in connection with his friends and he’s made it a point to call them on the phone and have real conversations. He has some interesting ideas for the rest of his life and I have no doubt that he will do great things. He exudes happiness in a way that few other people I have ever met do.

By the time I crawled into my sleeping bag that night I realized what a different place I was in then I had been in the night before. And out of the howling wind I slept pretty soundly.