One day in this stretch I had to cross the Verde river. Some people had reported that it was well up over their knees, but by using the knowledge I have from whitewater kayaking, I was able to find a place where I could tell the water was much shallower. I decided to leave my boots on because being in a desert environment, I didn’t know what kind of pokey things might be on the bottom of the river. But I took my socks off and took out the insoles of my boots so that even though my boots were wet, they dried a faster, and my feet never felt soaking wet after putting my boots back on.

Soon after crossing the river, it started to rain. I could hear thunder in the distance, and after my experiences of having my hair stand on end due to lightning on the cdt, I was grateful this storm never got close enough to be scary.

I did get to learn more about the mud out here. For a few days I had been walking on trail that would have been pleasant to walk on had it not been completely dried into continual deep ruts which had been caused by horses, cows, and people walking on the trail when it had been much wetter. Because of the ruts I had to pick my way along so as not to twist an ankle. Now I was getting to experience the trail in it’s muddy state. While it never got deep enough for me to make ruts, the wetter the ground became the more the mud stuck to the bottom of my boots. I could feel them getting heavier with each step as the mud accumulated on the bottom. I felt I was wearing shoes made out of concrete. Periodically I would scrape the bottom of my boot on a rock or with the tip of my pole to lessen the accumulation of mud for at least a few steps.

I finally reached a cow tank where I got water and contemplated staying for the night. There was one incredibly dry spot under a really thick, huge juniper tree, but after I crawled under a fence and got there, I could tell that it really wouldn’t be a very comfortable place to spend the night. It was nowhere near big enough and was tilted. I was grateful that while I was contemplating spending an uncomfortable night in that small dry spot, the rain stopped. I was inspired to continue up the hill a few tenths of a mile to where there was a very large camp area surrounded by some of the most bizarre rocks I’ve ever seen. The ground was covered with igneous rock that had been sculpted by the wind and rain. Many of the rocks look like cows skulls or bones and I felt like I was camping near a cow graveyard.. It was definitely one of the oddest things I’ve seen on this trail.

I was feeling kind of blue when I set up camp that night. it was one of those times when I felt that everything could go wrong. At least I recognized it and kept myself from completely going down that road. I knew I would feel better once I had some warm food in me so after I set up my tent, I fired up my stove. I stretched my back a bit, had dinner wrapped in my sleeping bag and quickly fell asleep

I woke to a really cold morning, wondering what I was doing this for. And then I looked out and saw the view from my tent, which ironically could have been a scene from Vermont. I was looking out over some green looking mountains with some fog caught between them,. And in that moment, I knew in part why I was doing what I was doing, The views really filled my soul.

I also love the internal learning that I do out here. On one of these mornings I felt the sense of great elation thinking “I can do this 18 mile day.” And then I remembered my blog about the expectation of ease and thought I should be careful as I didn’t want to get disappointed if I didn’t make it. As I contemplated both of these things I thought of my friend Susan, who has been studying Buddhism for years. I smiled, thinking she would be proud of me, because I had the realization that I did not have to allow either of those feelings to take over. By staying in the moment, I could feel satisfied and contented with the way I was hiking without going to high elation or setting myself up for disappointment if I didn’t make the miles I was hoping to make. I further recognized that I didn’t have to allow any feeling to take over and determine whether I judged my day to be a good one or not. I could decide that every day was a good day even if it was a tough one. I could allow myself to feel satisfied and proud of myself, without bigs highs. And I could let go of the fear I’ve carried since I was a child that if I felt good, it would somehow be taken away from me. By staying in the moment I wasn’t setting up future expectations. It also allowed me to be with myself in the moment and make a change if I was noticing pain or unhappiness. This allows me to stay more on an even keel no matter the outside events. And it frees me from being dependent upon external people for my internal happiness.