So today was a really good lesson on hiking your own hike. In hiker lingo its referred to as HYOH.

I started the day in pretty good spirits. Although my knees were bothering me, I was making good time. I thought certain people were behind me as I took a break at the first water box and gratefully accepted an orange from someone who was parked near the cache box. I learned on my CDT hike that an orange never tastes as good as it does in the hot, dry desert and I savored every bite of this one.

I took another. break at the 10 mile mark, feeling I was doing pretty well. Then two hikers came along, and I realized that most of the hikers I thought were behind me were actually ahead. And I realized that this 40-year-old woman had come from a couple miles behind and still caught up to me. As if that wasn’t enough, neither of them felt the need to take a break. As I sat there resting my poor knees, they went zooming past

I learned years ago, not to compare myself with other hikers and that just because someone is faster doesn’t mean they’re better, but for some reason, on this day, it got to me. I started feeling that no matter how hard I tried, I can never do it good enough. As tears streamed down my face, I realized this was really pain from childhood. No matter how hard I tried as a child it seemed I could never please my mother. I was never able to make my brothers like and accept me. I couldn’t stop the kids in school from teasing me.

As I made this connection and shed yet more childhood pain, I was able to come back into the present. I realized that nothing had changed just because people had gone past me. If I felt I was doing well before they went past me, I was still doing well. And the thought struck me that I am doing an amazing job out here. Every day I hike with a fair amount of bodily pain and yet I keep going, finding things to be grateful for.

I had the realization that all my life I have felt like a failure and yet in reality I’ve done OK. In fact, I’ve been a success. I’ve managed to break a cycle of abuse and I’ve learned to act rather than react, situationally. I’ve learned to open my heart and be present to people, and that perhaps is the biggest success of my life. Later that day something happened that confirmed for me that even though I’ve never achieved greatness through a job or fame through my writing I’ve still lived a successful life.

I was struggling to get to the Colossal Cave campground where I would pick up my resupply package in the morning. Those last few miles were so painful on my knees that I spent a few moments crying on the trail. Then I broke a rule I have and took an ibuprofen while I was still hiking. One reason I don’t like to do this is because it allows me to push past pain to a point I could actually hurt myself. But I decided I would take it easy for the last few miles into camp.

Well midway between those 2 miles I spotted a trail going into a different campground and I decided that was good enough for me. It was a lovely free campground with picnic tables, water, an outhouse and trash cans.

Not long after I arrived. I met a young woman named Bria and her eight year-old son Quentin. This was their first ever overnight camping trip. I chatted with this 30 year old woman and learned how she has overcome some tremendous difficulties in her life. I got to know her delightful son. and I was rewarded with all the food I could possibly eat. That night I ate either four or five really delicious organic hotdogs and in the morning I was fed sausage, hash browns muffins and more. But the most wonderful part of it all was the camaraderie I felt with this young woman and the way we were able to support each other. I was able to offer her perspective on her life and what an incredible job she was doing as a single mom and she offered me kindness that went deep into my soul.

If I had zoomed on like those other hikers and not hiked my own pokey hike, I never would have met her. And if I hadn’t done the amazing internal work I have done I would not have been able to have my walls down and connect with this woman heart to heart.

So once again, I was given a great reminder to hike my own hike, to live my own life, that a successful life does not have to be judged by greatness or fame. In fact, most of us in this world I’ll never reach great fame. But I realize that I’ve done OK. When the time comes, I will be able to die with no regrets. I can’t ask for more than that.